My friend @DawnNicole posed the question via Twitter few weeks ago…
It generated a lot of response and it got me thinking… so I decided [with Dawn’s permission] to do a little blog series on some of the things that I think are essential for Church Communications Directors.
First up: Empathy.
In StrengthsFinder 2.0, Tom Rath describes empathy this way:
You can sense the emotions of those around you. You can feel what they are feeling as though their feelings are your own . Intuitively, you are able to see the world through their eyes and share their perspective. This instinctive ability to understand is powerful. You hear the unvoiced questions. You anticipate the need. Where others grapple for the right words, you seem to find the right tone. You help people find the right phrases to express their feelings – to themselves as well as to others.
Empathy is a gift of understanding how other people feel, and in our role in church communications it’s vital we put ourselves in the shoes of people our church may directly or indirectly come into contact with. It’s important we understand the way things sound and come across and that the language we use doesn’t hinder the ultimate message all of our churches must communicate: the message of the Gospel… a message of love, grace, forgiveness, compassion, reconciliation, and hope.
As Kem Meyer says, our job is to remove barriers to entry. We need to understand how to make things simple for people to understand and connect with our church and ultimately to Christ.
Here’s a few ideas on ways you can begin to practice the discipline of empathy…
- Listen to what you’re saying. Is the language you use easily understood by the people who make up your community? Are the words you use real words or Christianese? Do people need a dictionary to understand your ministry names and acronyms you use? Do you use a lot of ‘inside language’? Use simple, concise language that’s easy to understand. [Idea: If you have to explain what 242 or C.A.R.E. means, it may be time to consider a name change.]
- Gauge your audience. Think about the different people in your audience and their experiences… how is what you are saying coming across to them. What are their unique challenges and needs? Does your style and expression match theirs? [Idea: Look around at a church service and take note of the types of people there.]
- Be a student of your local culture. What’s happening in your community? What are people talking about, what do they care about, what are local challenges or hardships people are feeling? [Idea: Read local newspapers, follow local news outlets on Twitter.]
- How do you talk about ‘outsiders’? How do you talk about non-Christians, unbelievers or seekers? Do you make them seem like projects? Read what you write through the lens of a skeptical outsider. Never put the words lost, unbeliever and non-Chrisitan in any print communications and try not to use them verbally from up front. [Idea: At Park, instead of saying 'your lost friends' we just call people what they are... 'your friends.']
- Look at the image(s) you project. Do the photos and images you use accurately reflect people who actually attend your church? I’m pretty sure the iStockphoto family doesn’t go to every church in America. And, for the love, if you aren’t multiethnic, don’t use those awkward racially diverse stock photos. [Idea: Use real images of real people and celebrate your community by using images of your city.]
- Always be a first-time visitor. Always try to be an ‘outsider’ when you go to church. View the experience from pulling up in the parking lot to the closing “amen” and think through how every aspect of your experience would feel if it were your first time.Do you ask your visitors to do awkward things like raise their hand or stand? DON’T! [Idea: Have you asked people who are newer to your church about their experience and if it was easy for them to connect? ]
- Are you needy? How much are you asking from people? Are you consistently talking about your church’s needs or sharing ways you can help them in their own lives. Be people-driven, not need driven. [Idea: Scan through your bulletin or other communications and see how many things you're asking people to do... sign up for this, register for that, volunteer here...it will surprise you how much we ask of people.]
- How do you handle holidays? Holidays are always special times of celebration but can also be painful for many. On Mother’s Day, how can you express compassion for couples that cannot have children or care for those who have lost or aborted children? On Father’s Day, how can you gently embrace those who grew up without fathers? How are you creating community for those with no family around Thanksgiving and Christmas?
- Remember it’s all about people. The church is a business that’s all about people. What we do, in the end, is all about people. Don’t forget that. Programs, policies, rules and regulations aside… it’s all about people. Too often we get so focused on what we do that we forget what it’s ultimately all about. [It's all about Jesus... but how we do what we do is all about people.]
Having Empathy for Those You Work With
Just as much as we need to be empathetic for new guests and members, we need to remember our role, in the end, is a servant role to our churches. We don’t run the show. Our role is important, yes, but it’s not about us.
For some odd reason, in most churches, the communications team/directors tend to be feared… and probably for good reason. With our style guides, font and clip art policing, policies, project requests, guidelines and standards… we can be a force to be reckoned with. We rain on a lot of parades, cause commotion, and shut down renegade designers.
We are a pain to work with. No matter how servant-hearted we may be about what we do, no matter how flexible and understanding we may try to be, we’re still a pain to work with.
What we do is important… we should care about the way things look, the way things sound, the messages we communicate, the images and words we use to tell stories, and ultimately the way everything our church communicates for one single reason: we care.
However, oftentimes HOW we do what we do isn’t very caring. Empathetic may not be a word your co-workers would use to define you… but it should be.
Church life is crazy. Everyone is busy and focused on their individual areas of ministry and our role is to support and help them maximize what they are doing. Some people won’t get it, and we need to learn to have patience and figure out how we can lead up and work with them instead of trying to make them fit a mold they’ll never be able to fit into.
Here’s some ways to begin to practice empathy with your co-workers, ministry leaders and renegade designers…
- Spend time away from your computer and face-to-face with your co-workers.
- Remember to always RESPOND, not REACT.
- Spend more time listening and less time talking.
- Matthew 18. ’nuff said.
- If there’s a miscommunication or misunderstanding resolve it in person as often as possible, NOT over email.
- Figure out the best ways to communicate with members of your staff and their preferred ways of communication. Some may like texts, others email, and some may prefer face-to-face.
- Don’t overcomplicate processes you’ve set up for projects.
- Use non-technical language.
- Share what you know! Create opportunities for people to learn what social media, blogging, and everything else you do is all about and why it matters.
- Be accessible… don’t lock yourself away or hide behind your monitor and ear buds. And, if you can, leave your door open [if you have one]. Interruptions aren’t ideal, but be accessible as possible.
- Admit when you make a mistake and take ownership of it… don’t make excuses.
- Do. Delegate. Defer. Delete.
- Remember people’s feelings matter a lot more than your policies.
- Edit yourself… ask for feedback from your co-workers about how you come across.
- As much as possible, show people what change will look like… don’t just tell them about it. Helping people see what the other side of change will look like will make the journey there a lot less painful. [This was invaluable when we killed our weekly bulletin.]
- Realize that people are just as busy, stressed and under the gun as much as you are… you aren’t the only one who is working hard.
- As much as possible, let people know you are for them.
- Remember what you do is all about people.
The Master Empathizer
“When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them…” – Matthew 14:14
If there’s one person who embodied the discipline of empathy it would be Jesus. He could read his audience, feel their pain, knew the right words to use, and was able to compassionately tailor His message [however nice or harsh it was] to the individual. Take some time to read through the Gospels and see how He interacted with people… He’s the best example we’ve got to follow.
Closing Thought…
We need to care and care about the way we go about caring.
